Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Randomize
