I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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