So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
