i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
