It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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