im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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