You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
