swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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