My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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