i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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