so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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