I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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