Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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