If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
