its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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