I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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