FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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