after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
