ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
