Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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