Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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