If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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