If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
