They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
