new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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