she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize