google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Quick, to the slutcave!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
