oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Randomize
