I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
