is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
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