Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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