I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
