I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
