Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
