um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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