Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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