Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
