shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
