You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
