So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
