ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
