worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
