I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
