Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
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