I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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