so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize