Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
