What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
