I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
