so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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