I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
