I think im going to throw up on grandma
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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