It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
