i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I think my vagina is haunted
My cat gives me a boner
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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