I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
