The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
