How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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