I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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