I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Girls should come with a carfax report
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
