On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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