one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
