Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
