"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
