I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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