The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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