Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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