who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
